will you smile again

so i got a job. as an assistant producer at sony. it makes the 6 years ive been in test feel like they were worth something. i had committed myself to my current job being the last in the video game industry as a tester. and as soon as i made plans to move to atlanta and steer my path in another direction,  this job appears out of motherfuckin left field. so, next week, i start my first job worth giving a shit about in my first 26 and 11/12 years on planet rock.

the reason behind moving to atlanta isnt my proudest. i couldnt cope with the idea of continuing to be the least successful person in my group of friends. it wasnt a money thing, it was a cycle of shit jobs with no prospect for any sort of future. it was my apathy towards life that allowed me to get where i was(nowhere) and that apathy was my safety net of rationalizing failure. if i dont give a shit about life, then why would i give a shit about my terrible job that im embarrassed to be at daily. yeah, so fuck that. apathy will always have a presence in my life, but its time to stop using it as a crutch to explain a bullshit worthless existence. im nervous about this job, just because im afraid of fucking it up. pretty standard insecurity bullshit, that im sure will be erased immediately upon starting work. the big thing for me is being able to feel like im a real part of something ive felt stuck on the outside of.